November 25, 2003

“Things you have to believe to be a Republican today...”

Next time you belittle or doubt Howard Dean
(D-Jeffords), remember what Feinstein ("D"-CA) and Tom
Duck-It ("D"-SD) did in voting for and helping pass
Rove's awful poison pill "Medicaire" bill, remember
that Duck-It is also on record as supporting Cheney's
"Energy" bill. Mark Crispin Miller's words to mne have
never wrung truer: "The Democrats are craven." Listen,
at least Dean is brave, intelligent and aggressive.
Dean is standing up to them, and to those in his own
part who have three quarters of their moral compass.
Does protecting Anwar, which they have done, and
blocking Rove's abomindable judicial nominees excuse
what Feinstein, Duck-It and a few other Democrats have
done re: Medicaire and by extension the 2004
Presidential election campaign? No. There is a very,
very bad and difficult year ahead of us the
end of the very least, the Democratic Party,
its principles, its voice, its roots. must be renewed
and reaffirmed or lost forever...Clinton, my friend,
did not win because of the Democratic Leadership
Council, he won in spite of them, he won because of
his intelligence, his deep empathy and his sex
appeal...Now, whether it is Dean or Clark (D-NATO), or
someone not yet in the picture, if they are to win in
the final battle or at the very least ensure the
survival of the Democratic Party, that person must be
a fighter first and foremost, that person must be a
gut fighter...Mondale was not a gut fighter, Dukakis
was not a gut fighter, McGovern was not a gut
fighter...Dean is a gut fighter, he is not my choice,
but I do not doubt that if he is the one still
standing, he will stand for something, and he will not
be bowed down or go politely away as Gore
did...Here is something from the Reno Gazette-Journal,
which has not yet been bought by the Corporatist

"Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools."

Pending the freezing of hell . . .

Cory Farley
11/21/2003 03:10 pm

Ah, man, I ought to resist this. It’s going to cause
more trouble than it’s worth . . . .

No, there’s a way. Let’s try this:

What follows is a blatant anti-Republican screed,
unless it’s a diatribe. Diatribe, I guess. The
dictionary says a screed has to be both long and
tiresome; a diatribe only has to be abusive.

I realize it’s one-sided and that many patriotic
Americans will be offended by it. Since I already
realize that, it isn’t necessary for any patriotic
Americans to tell me about it.

I’m going to use it anyway, because it’s pretty funny.
I got it under the heading, “Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.”

o Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

o The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

o Government should relax regulation of Big Business
and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use
marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

o “Standing Tall for America” means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.

o A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

o Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

o The best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’
benefits and combat pay.

o Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless
you someday run for governor of California as a

o If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won’t have sex.

o A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and

o HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of
the public at heart.

o Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

o Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

o Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush
needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

o A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.

o Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution, which include banning gay
marriages and censoring the Internet.

o The public has a right to know about Hillary’s
cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is
none of our business.

o You support states’ rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter
initiatives they have a right to adopt.

o What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is

o Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital
to a spirit of international harmony.

I would, of course, print a comparable list of things
you have to believe to be a Democrat, if I had one,
and if it were funny, and if . . . .

No. You send one, and I’ll print it even if hell
doesn’t freeze over.

Cory Farley can be reached at (775) 788-6340 or

Copyright © 2002 The Reno Gazette-Journal

Posted by richard at November 25, 2003 08:41 AM